The Coolest Chaplain

Feb 10th, 2018

‘You’re a disgrace to humanity!’

That’s what the chaplain at Winchester Prison said to Bert Brocklesby, conscientious objector and protagonist of my play ‘This Evil Thing’, a hundred years ago. Another CO was told by a different chaplain, ‘Christ would have spat in your face!’

In France, there was a chaplain who came to comfort some COs who were in punishment barracks awaiting their sentences for having persistently but politely refused to obey orders.

When this chaplain learned that one of the men he’d come to comfort was a Methodist, his response was, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t talk to you, I’m Church of England.’ He moved on to the next man, who told the chaplain he was a Congregationalist. Again the chaplain demurred, saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m Church of England.’

‘We all worship the same God, you know!’ the COs cried out, as the chaplain scurried away.

In complete contrast, the current-day chaplain at Reading University is one of the nicest and one of the coolest clergy I’ve ever met. Long hair flowing down beneath his shoulders, cycle clips and a cycle helmet, and a healthily robust attitude to those at the Uni who had dithered and wavered about hosting my play.

Reverend Laynesmith, for that is the coolest chaplain’s name, had seen me perform it in the huge tent at Greenbelt Festival last August. He was determined to bring it to Reading University where he is based – and finally, in the guise of his Annual Chaplaincy Lecture he managed to pull this off.

February 7th was the date set, and after a month spent mostly in bed, coughing, spluttering and fighting off flu (for me January wasn’t ‘Veganuary’ but ‘Germanuary’) I was back on the road again – a mini-tour of ten performances throughout February. So I arrived at Reading Uni last week, greeted by heaps of friendly helpers and volunteers, a ‘House Full’ sign (quite right, seeing as admission on this occasion was free!) and feeling great to be doing the play again after a two month gap.

The Q and A was facilitated by the Vice Chancellor of the Uni, Sir David Bell, a delightful man who set the ball-rolling with some excellent questions (first time I believe I’ve been quizzed by a Knight of the realm).

The phrase that kept coming up about the play was ‘thought-provoking’ – that has certainly been one of my main motivations with this piece – to provoke serious thought and debate. Afterwards, an army – sorry, inappropriate word – a flock of volunteers helped me pack up and soon I was trundling back to London in my white van. In bed by 12.45am, tired but very satisfied.

A couple of days later I receive a letter from the Vice Chancellor, which I won’t recount here, but suffice to say, his comments on the whole evening felt like a ringing validation of all my many months and years of work on this project. Who needs an Oscar? I thought to myself. That letter means more than any award. ( I think I’ll frame it…).

Next stop, next week, is North Yorkshire – for six performances in small town arts centres and the like.

Oh, the coolest chaplain’s name, by the way, is Mark. A very silly, juvenile streak in me kind of wished his name was Charles. (Can you see what’s coming?) Because then I could have said to him when I first met him, ‘Is it ok if I call you Charlie, chaplain?’

1 thought on “The Coolest Chaplain

  1. I spoke to you briefly about Conway Hall. What a wonderful presentation and performance here in Richmond (will relay this to Jim Walsh) .
    I’d mention three little known books I have that you might like: ‘Why Men Fight’ by B Russell, The Century Co, N.York 1917 (unpublishable in the UK, and a rarity – may be of interest for your forthcoming US tour) – looking at the war as an institution & social phenomena; ‘Justice in Wartime’ by B Russell, 1916 (a reprint of the 1917 edition by Spokesman books)- moral observations on the war, and his lengthy analysis of the failure of pre-war diplomacy; and ‘Consistency & Change in B Russell’s attitude towards War’ by Laura Slot, Sidestone Press, 2007 – a v readable monograph of a University of Utrecht thesis that covers his views from WWI to Cuban missile crisis/Vietnam. I used all of these + ‘B R: A pacifist at war’ in a series of Canterbury U3A talks I gave in 2014 on B Russell’s WWI and later actions /contentions. Your possible need/interest is greater than my pride of book possession (just!), so if you’d like any of the above I can post them to you. (I also have Vols 13 & 14 of his collected papers, mentioned at the end of the Griffin book – fascinating, but too precious to me to pass over). Keep in touch, I hope.

    Chris Bratcher (


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s